Friday, October 29, 2010

there are lots of sleeping things that i love about you

Thursday, October 28, 2010

letters to erin


i want to be the bookmark to your page
the shortcut to your maze
that first bright minute
of a thousand days.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010



there's a certain
whisper in your voice when you say my name a
quiver of something secret in the back of your chest
that only maybe i hear.

imagine my surprise when
you told me it was love
imagine my surprise when
you loved me back.

you tell me i'm a loser and laugh
with the last few syllables; push
my shoulder away from you and i sway
with the movement i lean
with your hand. such a small secret simple
declaration
i am yours forever.

letters to erin

i don't know how i survived
but i did

and then i met you
and that was pretty cool.

a memory



down down down
down.


ever felt guilt
closing around your throat?
i try to forget the up down hornets nest
in my brain
the boundless waves of
'go'
and every single flower is always dead or
might as well be.

i try to forget the day
they broke the door down; i was
sitting against the wall carving
myself like a pumpkin.
there is no glamour in the sadness and
hollywood starlets soaking into the rug,
it hurt very badly
i cried like a fucking baby.

this is not poetry this is not poetry


a nurse named Ruta changed the bandages. she
looked at me like a mother hen and
tut-tutted with her mouth and her eyes.
Ruta was very kind.

my hand still shakes and doesn't
bend like it used to
[they tell me it will pass]

this is not poetry

dying saved my life, i will never
lock the door again
you won't have to break it down.












Monday, October 25, 2010

it's hard to breathe with a cross on your chest.

"my soul is made of leaves
trembling at your touch
my heart is on a mountain
and you're closer than the sun"


you make me wonder, at night when
i'm awake and you're awake and we don't say a word,
if maybe the great wooden pews and
nuns [whom i always thought looked a bit like
penguins]
and men with large hats and large voices
were wrong.
i was a child staring into the great
frozen faces of martyrs and listening about how much bad there is
and why it's all our fault.

maybe someone like you
could be it.
do you want to run away?
lets run away.



Saturday, October 23, 2010

.

i like when we stay in
and you sing shakira and usher and lil jon.
and songs that are 'in totally spanish' or mock my sentences that 'have too many much's in them'
or when i edit hilary clinton into your photos
or a dramatic rendition of the little mermaid.

this is probably the best Saturday night
yet.

Friday, October 22, 2010

love is an everything you never know you need.



so we'll fold our notes into little boats
for a hope that every inch touching my fingers at the shore
might touch yours,



and eventually isn't a day i can count
though i try with my eyes shut tight and my mind
tracing your mind; oh!
there is a vast sea inside of me
and your inches on the water
will always reach.

i have fallen in love with two people
my city light and in the shine of her eye
i met myself.

it had been a very long while since i had shaken my own hand.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

.

and sometimes I think to myself;
recovery is an illusion and my misery
lays waiting in repose.

I was born to a little box
inside my chest where i could lay
plans and blueprints and check the storm door
daily.
that's the danger with love, isn't it? not that
someone will break your heart but that
with your heart open;
you will break something

and the water will come rushing in.



i am not scared this time
aren't i supposed to be scared?
i am not scared this time.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

.

sometimes i think that maybe i am just telling myself that i am happy now
a coma or dream or any other sort of thing
one would need waking up from
sometimes i think i will greet misery like an old friend.


but when i see the 'us' we've become
and i am sort of amazed
by the things i can do

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

these are not talented words; they are true and simple and i cannot keep them in




so i'll write a thousand love poems
because i know that maybe one word
one sentence one
comma
might convey an ounce of what i feel
and i have to try.
i will try
for you.





.


i am in love with a hilarious
perfect
smart
fucking gorgeous
girl.


i will not apologize.

Monday, October 18, 2010

the little changes we're not meant to notice.



god is a farmer and i think i'm a seed

god is a preacher and i think i'm a sieve.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

le noir oiseau [the blackbird]


she calls me back from halfway out the door
"i can see the
shoots of feathers
under your skin i can see the waiting in your bones"
i call to her from the bed
"i will see the
places you have seen
i will follow"


Saturday, October 16, 2010

if you can then i'm coming to get you, if you call then i'm coming now.



i am as meticulous and pointless as latticework in a graveyard and
you are clean and bright
like a bell.


i want to stay the week
please let me stay the week

stay.



it's a void bursting with
colors and noises and camera eyes moving with your sleep

like the taunt
muscles
i burn
under this heart.

Friday, October 15, 2010

.

mark this date, on October 15th 2010 at 2:34 PM
I, miserable empty cynical I, am utterly
terribly
happy.


mark the date, on October 15th 2009 at 2:34 PM
i most certainly wasn't

Thursday, October 14, 2010

a bed of roses has nothing on your thorns.



and you live in a little space
behind my eyes so
what i see you see
and the watercolors,
you paint them for me.

maybe religion is in the way
we say goodnight.

coming home someday.



and when they talk about god and religion
and right and wrong
i hope they leave a little bit of space in the margin
for you and me.

.

and if you had the flu
i wouldn't mind your germs

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

oh, the way your body moves
back and forth like a tremble
of the friction of the air
sliding past you like a star.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

love poems.



and if you were made of leaves
they'd write stories about me
scouring the trees
for every last piece.

this is because i'm breathing

you're the type to
roll up those sleeves and dig


dig and dig until you find china and little
paper
lanterns.

far far far away from me.



Monday, October 11, 2010

this is because i'm sleeping

down-fall
co-hort
pre-ceed
soul-mate

some words don't make sense until you get a little older

and endless torrent




your veins are pathways and roadways and traintracks and i'd
walk
down every single one of them until the soles of my feet turn black until
i know you better than the back of my eyelids


figuratively;
if the government was to ration our words to 100 a day
i will start a revolution i will burn the flag and if they lock me away
and bend me to the laws
i'd still use 99 of mine
to tell you that i love you
and the last for an 'always'

pictures only prove we can't convince.

lets run away and get engaged just to say we did it
i want to remember you as every single
first

Sunday, October 10, 2010

the days i spent without you weren't spent but saved.



she says
"your scars are like tree branches and i want to
climb
every single one just to say i can. i want to see the skin
underneath."


no one has has ever wanted to see
the before.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

it will be easy. i will make it easy.




you live in a tiny room inside my
hands[which doesn't sound very romantic but it
is]
you bend and move my strings for me so i don't have to try so
hard all the fucking time. i've blurred into something fast and wonderful and i
pour
for you.
and pour into an ocean. any other girl would stare at the sunset and think
'that is very beautiful'
but you stare at the ocean and think
'it must be very lonely
to be so vast'

and that is why you're beautiful
and that is why i am yours


Friday, October 8, 2010

this whole city.



scoop up the wonderful and put her in my pocket

the moon and the stars and the salt

and scoop up the wonderful and
put her
in the sea

baby, sing sing sing me to sleep

Monday, October 4, 2010

blah blah blah

i know none of you really give a fuck about my life and i
try to remain anonymous, because it doesn't matter who i am
if you find truth in words, they belong to you.
so this is one of the few personal posts.



six boys are dead
because they were harassed or called
gay.

when did a word become that powerful? a single three letter word
became something so frightening that someone would end their
life
rather than be labeled that.

do you know how it starts? it starts with one person who calls the boy in class
fag
because he speaks with a higher voice or the girl who plays softball
is a dyke.
see, you don't have to say it to their face, or even to other people.
every time you think it in your mind, it becomes a little more
acceptable in society.

it should never be acceptable. we are people.
we are anyone, everyone. we are people
and we are not a word.




let me tell you about the beautiful parts of who i am.
i love the smell of coffee and fireplaces and old books
i hold the door open for people
i believe in God and i know he still believes in me
i have worked at a homeless shelter every week for over a year.
i am 19 years old and i love myself
and i love every single one of you

i know what a woman's bare shoulder blades look like in the sun
after making love.
i know what a girl's hand feels like in mine and how their lips
can capture every ounce of my world.
i know what butterflies feel like
when i see my girl smile
i am a person
i am not a word.




Sunday, October 3, 2010

the morning at the great divide



everyone is something
to someone
somewhere.
there is too much to ever be alone.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

something quiet and clean where a hearts supposed to be,



it made you nervous, the game where she laid in the center of the giant bed
waiting for the prince's kiss
too pale, too small, too delicate
child's breathe close to her ear,
wake up wake up wake up


it made me nervous, the game where i opened my chest and drove to new york city
shaking a little too much for a princess kiss
skin like snowdrifts, willowtree wrists
softest lips to that ear,
sleep sleep sleep