Thursday, March 27, 2014

i am on facebook or tumblr or buzzfeed more often than
not, at work, yawning into my closed fist and pretending not to hate it 
here
because i am an adult, i am responsible, i have no right to complain of
normality (this is the real world, suck it
up.)

i don't nap, i lay
completely still in my bed for several hours at a time
and let everything suffocate me, it's sort of a 
ritual now. i swim into the swell, i push the pins deeper, i conquer
anxieties. i revel in them, i wrap them tightly around my finger like dental floss until the ends turn angry blue, 
i swish them in my mouth like stale beer hoping that
the bitterness might fade
eventually
i lay in bed and i do not nap, i
drag every bad thing that has ever happened in the world and tuck myself under it, pray
for the crushing.
i was wild when you caught me, throwing punches like wine glasses at the
inside of my bedroom door, i will not go quietly into the night-
i will invite her inside and ask, very politely, to be consumed.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

spring cleaning

we wipe the dust from unplanned photographs
half smiles and that one warm look, those gentle hands-
take everything you own and touch it to your face, wrap yourself
around something solid, a sleeping body.
feel the imprint her head has made in your collar bone
and the gravity of it, forever.

Delilah, sweeping
strands of my hair from the kitchen floor, i have taken this new vulnerability and 
become better for it,
insecurities melted into chain mesh. 
i have grown scales,
she touches the ridges 
like braille and it whispers "darling, don't fret,
i have survived stronger hurricanes 
than this"

there are many things i am cautious of;
the consistency of the earth's core 
(cotton candy, crumpled newspapers, clock radios)
or being found at the bottom of the Indian Ocean, she mops the hardwood
with salt water. 

we have pushed the monsters back into our (organized) closet,
i love you cleaner than i ever 
have.


Sunday, March 9, 2014

expansion: (noun)

  1. the state or quality of being expanded.
  2. the act or process of expanding.
  3. an expanded, dilated, or enlarged portion or form of a thing


a seeping, my self has 
unfolded in bloom, swelled to a mass, unfurling with 
firetipped fingers traveling over farms, boroughs, state lines
to the waistband of your jeans.

the world is larger than your longest map 
yet
when a little girl in Argentina drops a dish you 
feel the vibration from a thousand miles away.

i am never more than two inches from you, a mushroom cloud-
my head is expanding, my bones are creaking-
and my heart is contracting like a fist.

Monday, March 3, 2014

read horoscopes, furiously, pick apart every syllable and search for some sort of
control, some kind of
knowing
better than a free fall