Thursday, March 27, 2014

i am on facebook or tumblr or buzzfeed more often than
not, at work, yawning into my closed fist and pretending not to hate it 
here
because i am an adult, i am responsible, i have no right to complain of
normality (this is the real world, suck it
up.)

i don't nap, i lay
completely still in my bed for several hours at a time
and let everything suffocate me, it's sort of a 
ritual now. i swim into the swell, i push the pins deeper, i conquer
anxieties. i revel in them, i wrap them tightly around my finger like dental floss until the ends turn angry blue, 
i swish them in my mouth like stale beer hoping that
the bitterness might fade
eventually
i lay in bed and i do not nap, i
drag every bad thing that has ever happened in the world and tuck myself under it, pray
for the crushing.
i was wild when you caught me, throwing punches like wine glasses at the
inside of my bedroom door, i will not go quietly into the night-
i will invite her inside and ask, very politely, to be consumed.

1 comment:

Cheryl said...

You write so beautifully. And I feel this way too, sometimes. Oftentimes, lately. I know the swim and swell of the sheets, I know the taste of salt on the pillow.

Sometimes it feels like you're a fossil in the making, doesn't it? Crushed under fathoms. But your words are still finding their way into the world. That's your particular and lovely net. Keep casting it.

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