Wednesday, October 29, 2014

mania

i think i am changing into something electric, something humming and
volatile- the first atoms smashing into each other like angry
bees or trapped flies against the window pane, my insides
have returned to primordial radio frequency, static noise
and magnetic. my heart has been racing for
a very long time and i worry that it might
just stop and
i worry that it might
not

i want you to hit me as hard as you can,
i want to taste the blood
of your knuckles and the throb of my jaw like the throb
between your legs, a fluttering moth against
the burning wet sun.
there is an altar inside of you and i whimper my penance for all the
horrible things i have done to myself
occasionally you find yourself fighting the urge to
ruin everything good in your life. 
you plot it out, what bank accounts would be
closed, the fastest way to deconstruction, leap from cathedral windows and
spread shadow out like a cross, emerge through 
a stained-glass curtain and black out the sun with the crow
of your falling body, sprinkle back down like some sort of fucking 
confetti. 

occasionally i imagine 
everyone naked, everyone as a dog, everyone as a child

my pulse hurts, 
the pounding of it 
as an alarm clock or a 
time bomb.
you are hungry, ravenous, a machine built for
devouring, absorbing. you are made of conveyor belts, 
keyboards, quicksand, black holes
and the exhaustion of constant involuntary motion

mania comes stomping through my front door and doesn't remove
her boots, she has viper teeth and crawls on my lap.
i bury myself in her neck like a bone in the yard, whisper
"darling, I've missed you so much"
and she bites.

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