Sunday, August 30, 2015


i think i loved you before we even met, before you even existed, before i even existed. there has been a dust covered box in the corner of me and when you held my hand, i unpacked the whole thing. immediately. set out the army men in lines of ten. the love for a child is not like any other love, they accept every single ounce of adoration you give and splash in the ripples. there is no such thing as caring too much. 

this is a love i have never written before, this is a love that is brushing-hair-from-forehead and scooping-into-arms. a sandy whirlwind who prefers making cookies to actually eating them, a twister that kisses three times before goodbyes. this is to the boy who is too sweet for his own good, a boy who is learning how to smile like my brother. a smirk, a lopsided grin, a shrill sounding of laughter as you cling to his bicep and swing. you worship him in a way that has made him believe it. a way that i have been trying to for my whole life. you made it look easy, you are one good egg.

there is a selfishness inside all of us that only dies once we feel tiny arms grasping in sleep. miniature finger nails, dirty knees. i do not know what your face will look like in 15 years but i know it will not look like mine. that's okay, i prefer yours anyway. we play the best battleships, you saved me from the sprinkler. my family is large and loud and very bitter, hardened by waves of anguish that we can never seem to dodge; we all have learned to laugh off our tears. you don't know how yet, that's okay, i think we're better off your way. 

this is to the boy who began outside of my brother but has ended with him, has stolen his hands for a father's. this is to the boy who changed my brother, who made him believe that he is good, he is worth every second chance he's ever received. my life is changing too fast but if any of the changes result in you, then i think i can get on board. 

chirp, you might have saved us all. 


Cheryl said...

This is so beautiful - all truth and sentiment, all love and blood. Just lovely.

Olia said...

I just discovered your page and your writing is amazing, truly, this post is so touching.

AVY said...

Someone to save me, that sounds like a dream.

/ Avy

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